Take a Swig::
by PrimeEmily135
Summary: Optimus is becoming depressed because of all the bad things happening. Will his little spell go unnoticed? Or will Arcee have to help him through it to spare his dignity? Rated T for mild suggestiveness and one drunk mech. Rating will not change, no interfacing, just clean fun.OPxA
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my attempt at humor. This will probably end up being a three part story, I don't know. I guess it depends on the feedback I get. :)**

**I do not own Transformers Prime. **

Take a swig:: part 1

* * *

Optimus had never been one for the saying 'high grade washes problems away'. In fact, he found the saying quite stupid and immature. High grade didn't solve any of life's problems, it just made you forget for a little while and in the end make things worse... So when he looked at the high grade on his berthroom shelf he was a little surprised at his own temptation.

He glanced up at it again for what seemed the hundredth time, tapping his fingers on his desk as he battled with his conscience. He was usually so calm and collected, the wisdom of the Primes always guiding his actions. But it seemed like they had decided to turn their gazes away from him, letting him think for himself for once. He knew his reasons were wrong, and he knew that he shouldn't. But, he was young... Why couldn't he be a little immature in the privacy of his own room?

* * *

Arcee yawned tiredly, looking over the latest data pads she had been working on. In the light of recent events she hadn't had much time to update her book. She had been busy with, well, everything that made her life difficult.

She sat down on one of the recreation room Cybertronian sized bean bag chairs and crossed her legs as she read over her last paragraph. Lately she had been trying a new way of relieving her frustrations that didn't involve burning her tires through asphalt. Ratchet had suggested she write a book, and use her life experiences and emotions as a guide to it. But lately it had become a little dry, she needed something to spice it up a bit.

She bit down on the tip of her thumb as she thought. What had happened recently that she could use to make her story more interesting?

She messed around with a new paragraph for a little while, not truly interested in it herself, then stopped. "This is ridiculous! Is my life really that boring?"

"What are you doing?" the slurred question took her by surprise, but she didn't even look up. She figured it was just Bulkhead not fully awake from recharge yet, coming to bug her.

"It's nothing Bulk." she mumbled, setting the data pad down on her lap.

"Bulk? I know I'm a big mech but I'm not fat!" the mech stumbled, leaning against the wall for support. Arcee took a double take at him, realizing that it was Optimus who had entered the room. And more importantly, he had the speech impairment. (But he didn't look tired at all, he looked very energized).

He slumped, plopping down onto a chair next to hers. "What am I kidding? You're right. I'm- hic!- a bulk. I mean, the ground shakes when I walk! -hic!- I don't blame you for thinking I'm -hic!- fat." he looked around the room confusedly and she started to giggle.

By the Allspark! He's drunk! She wanted to laugh so hard, but the idea of Prime on high grade scared her too much. Why would he get over energized? What happened? "Optimus, are you okay?" she touched his arm gently, stroking his wrist with her thumb as she looked at him. She shifted into a more maneuverable position on the chair, looking him straight in the optics.

He gave her a half grin, wiggling his optic brows at her. "I will be if you keep touching me like that, baby." he growled at her, the sound sexy enough to make her engine fans kick on. She quickly pulled her servo away, realizing instantly that his behavior was something to be wary of. He laughed, leaning forward to scoop her up and pull her into his lap. "Oh, come on, don't be like that!" he purred, his chest vibrating against her back.

Arcee imagined that under normal circumstances she wouldn't have really minded his actions, but the fact that he was highly energized scared her a little. She squirmed in his lap, looking for some way to escape his hold on her, but it seemed he wasn't going to release her any time soon.

* * *

Optimus smiled down at the femme in his arms, feeling a high level of electricity run through him at the sight of her beautiful frame. He nuzzled the back of her neck affectionately, holding her tighter against his chest. He had made the mistake of letting go of a femme he had cared for, he had let her out of his sight for only a minute and she had been killed. He swore he would never let the same happen to Arcee. He would never let her go.

* * *

Arcee stiffened slightly as his lips brushed over a few of the sensitive cables on the back of her neck, she could feel his hot breath against her and could detect a large amount of high grade tainting his vents. She sat up straighter, raising her small winglets to come between them. He frowned at her and pouted a little.

"That's not nice..." his voice was sad, and it made her feel kind of bad, but she knew that if he was in his right mind he would have wanted her to do exactly what she had. "Come on, at least stop being so -hic!- stiff. You feel like you have a steal pole shoved up your pretty little aft." he bounced her on his knee slightly, making her squeak!

She turned around on his lap to face him, her servos braced against his chest firmly. She tried to not look amused and further tempt his drunken flirting, but his smile seemed so contagious! He tried to pull her closer but she pushed his servo away sternly.

"No." she felt like she was addressing a mindless beast! A strong, sexy, mindless, beast... She shook herself, pointing a finger at him. "Stop it Optimus. You're better then this." she tried to convince the real him to show through, but it seemed the Optimus they all knew and loved was a little too far to retrieve. She would just have to wait for the effects to wear off.

He smirked, raising an optic brow in amusement. "Oh come on! You know you -hic!- like it." he stroked his fingers over her winglets, making her gasp in pleasure. "See? You like it." he stood up cradling her in his arms bridal style, much to her objection. He laughed, swaying slightly as he walked around the room in a circle.

"Optimus!" she shrieked, then quickly quieted her voice as she heard footsteps out in the hall. "Optimus. Put. Me. Down. Now." she pointed down at the floor demandingly, and he shrugged.

"Okay, if you insist." he let go of her and she screamed as her head swung towards the floor. Just as she was about to collide she felt him yank her back up by her feet. He pulled her up so that they were optic level with each other. She frowned and crossed her arms at him, which seemed to only further his enjoyment of her situation. "You know, from this angle it looks like you're smiling." he caressed her helm softly, leaning against the wall to admire the upside down femme at his 'mercy'.

"Optimus if you don't let me go I am going to hurt you." it wasn't really a threat, more informing then anything. But it seemed to get his attention. He looked at her wearily, and he slowly flipped her around and set her back on her feet. "Wise choice." at least he still knew not to piss her off.

She stood in front of him, looking him over thoughtfully. He seemed completely focused on her, it was like nothing else existed to him. In a way, he reminded her of a list puppy, willing to follow her anywhere. She vented deeply. No one could see him like this. Especially not Smokescreen or Bumblebee. She feared the young bots wouldn't be sure how to take it.

"Optimus..." she looked up at him sweetly, trying to look as innocent as possible. She clasped her servos behind her back, swaying side to side a little as he smiled back at her. "I think we could use a little fresh air. You want to go somewhere a little more..." she hated uttering the word to him in his state. "...private?" she said it finally, tracing a finger over a price of his leg armor. She tried to look alluring, hating the actions all the more when it actually got his attention. But she had to get him out of the base, one way or another.

Optimus grinned, a look of excitement entering his optics. He pointed at her slyly, chuckling. "You... Are... Sneaky."

* * *

He followed her, oblivious to the way she tried to avoid everyone. He simply smiled gleefully, watching her walk. He couldn't get enough of her. If he had had his way he would watch her all day long. Even as she recharged...

He smiled to himself. "That's creepy..." he laughed.

* * *

"Optimus shh!" she tried to quiet his laughing, getting frustrated really quickly. "We're almost there, just be quiet." she stopped him from walking into the main room, looking at him seriously (like that would help any). "Just try to act normal, okay? We'll bridge out somewhere and hang out there, just the two of us until this wears off."

He waved at her impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Act like I've had my processor totally screwed so I am just a hollow shelled killing machine." he moved past her. "I get it okay?"

Luckily Ratchet must have been in the Med Bay, the main room was surprisingly void of any life forms.

Arcee quickly punched in some coordinates and turned on the bridge. In a few seconds she had grabbed a data pad and left a note for Ratchet and was ushering Optimus into the ground-bridge.

* * *

**Leave a Review please. :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**So, thank you all for the reviews/favorites/follows! :) they make me very happy. So just a note for this chapter: all of the parts from Optimus view are in the present and Arcee's are in "flashback". hope it's not as confusing as I thought it was. **

Take a Swig:: 2

* * *

"Oh... My head..."

Optimus covered his optics when he saw the bright light, and off-lined his audios when he heard the loud waves crashing not too far away. Energon was pulsing in his processor, making every ounce of his body hurt.

"Oh... What happened?" he tried to sit up but the motion made his head spin! "Ow..."

He felt someone poke his forehead and he growled as even more pain racked his processing systems. There was a moment of stillness before the poke came again. He on-lined his audios again, feeling just about ready to snap at whoever was causing him pain!

"-come on Optimus, get up. You need to get up now." Arcee's voice never sounded more mocking. She poked him again.

"Arcee please stop..." he begged her, covering his face.

She laughed, possibly on purpose just to make him cringe. "Serves you right for all the trouble you caused me last night." she whacked his helm lightly, making him groan. "Get up, and drink this." she pulled at his shoulder, urging him to sit up, which he did very slowly. When he wasn't swaying anymore, she shoved an Energon cube into his servo. "Drink this, it'll help."

He looked at her, feeling sick at the thought of drinking any Energon. He was pretty sure he'd purge anything he tried to consume at the moment, but he obeyed, slowly sipping down the cube.

"What happened?"

She gave him a humorous look, smiling brightly. "You want the short version or the one with every single embarrassing thing you said and did last night?" she raises an optic ridge at him, and he squirmed.

"The short version, please."

She laughed, "I don't think so, you need to hear the whole thing. Maybe next time you'll think twice before over energizing." her tone became half serious.

"Oh no..."

* * *

Arcee watched the portal close with a vent of relief. It seemed she had chosen a good place to go to for some privacy away from the other bots. It was night out and they were in a grassy plain, far from any civilization. And in any case Optimus seemed to like the surroundings. He lay down in the field with a smile, staring up at the darkened sky.

"It's so nice outside." he ran his fingers over the small blades of the tall grass, feeling everything. She watched his fascination at everything with a small smile on her lips. "Cee, you have to feel this stuff, it is so comfy!" he beckoned for her to lie down with him on the ground, which she gave in and did.

"It is nice." she adjusted the grass until she lay comfortably a few yards away from him.

"I like earth. We never had stuff like this on Cybertron." he pulled a few blades out of the ground and let the fly away in the wind. "So peaceful, they don't even know that they can't survive out of the ground. They'll just fly until the stop, then rot back into the ground. I wish I could die like that, it's so simple. But I'll probably be off-lined by Megatron in the end..."

She looked up at him, startled at the mere suggestion that Megatron would become victorious. "Optimus, how could you say that? Megatron won't kill you, in the end you will win." he looked him in the optics, surprised to find all confidence gone and replaced with pain.

"There's no other way this can go down babe, I've thought about it all the time- and I mean a lot!" he turned away from her, looking back up at the sky. "I don't want to kill him, I can't. The few times I actually tried, I couldn't beat him. He's a gladiator, he's been fighting all his life. I'm just a librarian who had to adapt..." he looked just about ready to cry, she could see the pain gathering in his optics as tears. "I wish it wasn't this way. I wish he would just... stop being so... evil..."

Arcee scooted closer to him, wrapping her arms around one of his larger ones in a comforting manner. "You wish he would give in with a truce."

"Yeah... a truce." he shifted, looking at the sky more intently. "Do you ever notice that the stars look like little optics?" he pointed at the sky. "They look like little Sparkling optics... They're kinda cute."

* * *

"Oh, I didn't say that, did I?" He looked at her pitifully, embarrassment making his cheeks heat up, flushing them red.

She laughed, sending waves of pain to the center of his processor. "Oh just wait, it gets better."

* * *

"Arcee, do you want to have Sparklings?" the question didn't differ from their topic, but it did catch her off guard.

"Uh, yeah. I guess." she nodded absently, looking at the stars littering the sky. "You know, yeah. I'd like to have a Sparkling, or two... Maybe three even." she admitted, smiling at the thought of being a mother.

Optimus turned onto his side, looking at her curiously. "Do... Do you want a Sparkling, right now?" he asked as if he was afraid she was expecting something.

It took a moment for her to process exactly what he meant, but then she shook her head fervently. "No! No, not right now, no." she chuckled nervously but he just shrugged and flopped down on his back.

"Well... If you ever need a Sire, I'm here if you need me." his words would have sounded very perverted had it been said in any other tone. But he suggested it so innocently she didn't think he even knew exactly what he had said.

* * *

"No... No, no, no, no!" he burried his face in both his servos, trying desprately to hide from her. He had said something so unthinkable, it made him want to purge his tanks!

"Oh yeah!" she mocked his embarrassment. "The mighty Prime offered his services to me, and believe me, I won't forget it." he saw her smirk at him through his fingers. "Especially not after what happened next..." she said, dragging out her silence he was sure just to torture him.

"Oh please, no more. Don't tell me any more!" he begged, wishing he could just crawl into a dark hole and die.

She put her servos on her hips in fake complaint. "I can't stop now, I'm just getting to the best part!"

* * *

"I'm weird aren't I?"

Arcee glanced over sleepily at his sad face. "W-what?" she yawned, adjusting her servos behind her head. The last five hours she ha laid on the ground, listening to him talk about whatever came to his mind. Some things were a deep insight to his inner thoughts and worries. A few things that he said scared her, making her realize that under his normal mask he truly didn't believe they could win the war. Other things he said made her laugh, like when he started talking about how complicated femmes were, and how he could never figure them out. Apparently he had been in love once, before the war, and the femme had crushed him. She had abandoned him to the Decepticons.

"I've heard you all talking about me behind my back. You all think I'm strange." he wrung his servos, a sad look in his optics.

Arcee felt a pang of guilt penetrate her spark. She had no idea he had ever heard their conversations about him. She had always thought that he was too engrossed in his work to hear anything they said. And he had never said anything to them! "Does it bother you that we talk about you?" she couldn't help but ask.

He nodded silently, and she felt even worse. "I have a hard time expressing myself anymore. I've seen so much war, so much suffering... I am becoming numb to others." he sat up straight, looking at her with a convinced glow in his optics. "I want to show you all how I feel, but I can't! The matrix forbids me to show how I really feel. I can't smile, frown, laugh or cry! I don't know how to tell you all how much you mean to me, how much I care about you all. And you all think that because I can't express myself that I just don't feel! I feel! I get angry, I get sad, and I can care. But you never see that!"

He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up to her feet so that they were at optic level with each other. But she couldn't meet his optics, because hers were filled with guilty tears.

"Arcee, I like you. I always have..." he caressed her face, wiping her tears away. "I want to tell you every time I see you, but you will never know. You will never see how much I care about you."

She wanted to answer him, to tell him that she knew he cared about them all, but she was cut off in surprise as his lips pressed against hers.

She squeaked as he held onto her tightly, one servo around her waist and another on the back of her neck. She could taste the high grade on his breath and his glossa as he slipped it into her mouth, tasting her. She could hear his engines roaring to life, and she felt his chest heat up against her. He growled, breathing heavily as some primal instincts started coming into play. He pulled her tight against him and turned her over so that she was between him and the ground, freeing his servos to caress her shoulders and her legs. He deepened their kiss, but even in his drunken state he was careful not to hurt her.

Arcee squirmed a little, but soon succumbed to the motion and nibbled at his bottom lip, wrapping her arms around his neck.

* * *

Optimus' optic twitched. He saw her smile wickedly when she paused, making him worry what had happened next. "Arcee, please tell me I didn't do what you are suggesting I was going to." the tone of his pleas must have struck a cord with her. Her smirk vanished, replaced with a more serious yet still joyful smile.

"No Optimus, you didn't go that far." if he didn't know better he would have said she looked a little embarrassed herself. "It almost happened, but..."

* * *

Arcee gasped for a breath to cool her systems when he finally broke the kiss, only to trail his lips down her neck to nibble the wires in her shoulder. She could feel electricity coursing through both of them, and it made her whole frame shake. She knew what he wanted, and she was starting to fear he was going to get it.

"Optimus!" she forced his name out of her throat, wishing she could just give in, but she knew that when he regained his senses they both would feel absolutely ashamed. She had to stop it now before things for too out of hand, if that was still possible. She hoped she wasn't too late. "Orion, please stop..." she whispered desperately, guiding his optics back to meet hers. He looked oddly conflicted at her plea, but after a moment he started to back off.

She could see that the effects of the high grade were starting to wear off, he looked like he was starting to understand logic again. He shook his helm, as if trying to clear his mind.

"I-I'm sorry..." he looked away, his brow furrowed in thought.

* * *

Optimus groaned, letting his helm rest against his knees and covering his head with both his servos. He wasn't embarrassed anymore, he was completely mortified! He couldn't look at her, he didn't think he ever could again...

"I am so sorry..." he felt like he could hardly intake any air to cool his systems. He started feeling a little dizzy even. "Oh, I don't feel good..." he moved farther away from her and leaned over the grass, feeling nauseous.

"Optimus?" she approached him cautiously, reaching out tentatively to touch his shoulder. "Are you okay-"

He purged his tanks empty over the ground, the retching sounds causing her to jump! He coughed as the lingering Energon burned his throat and dripped from his lips. "Gross..." he couldn't help but cringe at his own reactions. He felt Arcee run her servos over his shoulders and back comfortingly as another wave of nausea hit him. He had nothing left to throw up, but he still retched horribly.

When his insides stopped acting up he gasped for breath, not daring to look up at the femme. "Arcee, please tell me I didn't do all of that..."

"That would be a lie, Optimus. I can't lie to you." she tilted his face up and wiped some stray Energon away from his lip with her thumb, looking very sympathetic. He whimpered, feeling so ashamed of his stupid and immature actions. "It's okay, just promise me you won't get like that again. I have a very interesting life, and I don't need you to make it any more so." she smiled at him, but he just groaned in shame.

* * *

**So there we go. Leave a review! :) not sure if I should do another chapter or not... I guess it depends on the feedback. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry I kind of abandoned this story! I got all obsessed over "Songs of the Spark" (If you like OptimusxArcee that is a story for you.:) and several other stories. But I finished two of them and decided to start this up again.**

**Thanks for being so patient with me. :)**

* * *

With a deep sigh, Optimus sat down at his desk. He spread his servos apart over the desk and let his head hang between his shoulders. He was tired. His processor was starting to short circuit every time he thought to hard. And he just couldn't get over what had happened within the last twenty-four hours. He had over energized himself due to his low moral, and he had undoubtedly sexually harassed Arcee in his drunken state. In any normal circumstance he should have been punished and stripped of rank for his actions against her. But as the leader and one of the few Autobots remaining, he couldn't afford to take such actions. He didn't know what he should do.

A knock on his door drew his attention, but he remained unmoving. His vents came slowly as he regained control of himself. "Come in." he didn't move. Didn't straighten. Didn't even disengage his battle mask. He heard the door open and a small figure entered quietly. And it was definitely too small to be Ratchet.

"Optimus?" Arcee's crystalline voice cut through the air, causing his audios to tingle. He cringed, looking as far away from her as he possibly could. "Optimus...I need to talk to you."

After a moment of silence he spoke up, feeling his voice shake. "What would you have me do Arcee?"

"What?"

"If what I had done to you had been done by any other mech, what would you have me do?" he glared down at the desk, digging his fingers into the mettal. "What punishment would be sufficient enough..." he vented shakily, trying to keep his emotions in check. "What would you have me do to punish myself?"

Arcee gasped, and was almost instantly at his side. "Optimus-No! No..." her servos wrapped around one of his arms and he could feel her helm rest against his shoulder. "I-Prime, I never wanted you to-I mean..."

He shook his helm. "I should be punished for what I did." he clenched his optics shut. "You need to tell me... what I should do as sentence."

"You didn't do anything to me-"

"Arcee, I harassed you! That cannot go unpunished!" he felt the dull throbbing pain in his head come back and let out a quiet moan.

"Orion..." she cupped his cheek in a servo and tried to turn his gaze, but he refused to move. "I wouldn't have told you those things if I'd known you'd beat yourself up about it to this extreme!" her fingers twitched at the feeling of his battle mask.

"I deserve it!" he snapped, stiffening until he could feel his joints locking up. "I harassed you! There is no punishment great enough to right what I did." Silence came between them again, and for a moment he thought that she might leave. He could feel her optics on him, and he wanted to die.

"Orion Pax." her voice was firm behind him. "Don't you think that what I put you through this morning was punishment enough?" he tried to answer 'no' but she cut him off. "And another thing! Don't you think that if I didn't want that sexy-hot mouth of yours on mine I would have beaten you senseless to begin with? And-" she continued over his stuttering. "Did you ever think that if you weren't drunk I might have actually liked it? Or-let me rephrase that-I would have liked it even more than I did." she finished, touching her fingers to her lips almost involuntarily. "The way you kissed me...touched me...held me..."

Finally, Optimus turned to stare at her. Behind his mask his mouth was opening and closing wordlessly, in shock. His optics searched her's for some kind of humor, as if she was joking, but she wasn't. She was slightly embarrassed, but telling the truth.

"A-Arcee I-I never imagined-"

She hushed him quietly, caressing his battle worn mask. "I know you didn't. That's why I told you." her thumb brushed over the centerfold of the mask briefly, and felt her servos trembling. Reaching up, she stroked his antennae. He sighed deeply and closed his optics. "I don't want you to punish yourself Orion. In fact-" she fumbled, and he could hear the nervousness in her voice. "-now that you're sober maybe we can try that kiss again?"

His bright optics opened widely, shock turning his faceplates a little pink. He didn't know what to say to that. Arcee wanted him to kiss her? "Arcee, it would be improper for me to accommodate that request. As a Prime I cannot..." he couldn't hold back his breathy moan as she grabbed his antennae mercilessly. His vision filled with static as the pleasure riddled his systems and he could feel energy start transferring to places they shouldn't.

"Scrap you." Arcee scolded him. "Don't throw around that Pit damned Prime talk with me!" her glare softened slightly. "I just want one kiss. Is that too much to ask of you, Orion?"

He took her servos in his and looked at her firmly. "I am not Orion Pax anymore Arcee. I am Optimus Prime, last of the Primes. Leader of the Autobots. And I have a duty to perform. I cannot have any emotional ties to anyone. It's just the way things are." he felt his own spark burn as he said those things, and it killed him to watch her optics suppressing tears. "What you saw and felt were the action of a drunk mech. And I am sorry to have put you through this."

Arcee took a shallow breath, trying to keep herself in check. "So, you don't like me at all? That was all just a bunch of drunken nothing..." she nodded, as if to herself, trying to accept it. "All of it was just...a mistake."

"Yes." he had to force the word out. Although he wanted to tell her the truth he couldn't. And he never would.

She vented shakily and turned to leave. "Okay..." but she stopped and he could see her optics turn almost livid. Her servo came at an astonishing speed, and before he could think to move it scraped across his masked face. It dazzled him, throwing off his sense of balance and he braced himself against his desk. "That's for harassing me and leading me on to believe that you might actually have feelings under that thick outer shell of yours! You Aft!" with that said, she stormed away from him. But before she disappeared he saw the tears streaming down her face.

He sighed sadly, standing up from his desk. His mask retracted and he touched the fresh scrape above his optic. "I'm sorry Arcee." he whispered, feeling horrible. "It's just the way things have to be. Not the way I wish they could be..."

* * *

**Again, sorry for making you all wait so long for that! Hope you liked it, it was a little more serious than those other two chapters but if I turn this into a story I wanted it to be a little dramatic.**

**That brings me to my next thing. If I continue this into a story I need ideas! Anything (T-rated mind you). Decepticon attacks. Return of old friends. Anything! Just review with ideas or PM. I might not use them exactly like you are thinking, but if your ideas inspire me I will give you credit for it.**

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a Review. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, okay. So I have gotten a lot of requests for Arcee on High Grade... Well, those of you who asked, you get your wish. This may not end up being what you would expect... ;p**

* * *

Nothing was worse than a femme scorned. Normally she thought she would be angry, furious, maybe even murderous at being used and rejected like she had been. Well, perhaps used wasn't the right word, lead on seemed more appropriate. But in any case, she didn't feel the fury, she could only feel the hurt. The pain. The sadness.

She wouldn't deny that she always had some feelings for her leader. But they has been buried deep inside of her for a long time, only to be brought out when he said that he had feelings for her. _That aft!_ She sobbed quietly in the privacy of her own quarters. She had made sure to lock it and barricade it before losing herself in the depths of her misery.

She shook her helm in disgust. She knew she should have been able to handle things better than this. She was a grown femme, not a sparkling. She should not have been reduced to tears, and yet she was. Hours rolled by and she continued to cry quietly. Day turned to night and she stayed secluded. It wasn't until the lights in the base went out that she emerged, cautiously and quietly, using her blasters to give light to her path.

Honestly, she knew what she was about to do was wrong. But she just needed something to get her mind off of things. She wanted something to numb the pain she was feeling deep in her spark. And if she had to sneak a cube of high grade to do that, then by Primus' spark, she was going to!

Rounding a corner into the medical ward she flipped on a switch to turn on the white lights above her. Unlike Optimus, she didn't have a personal stash of high grade. The only ones who had some, and were approved by Ratchet to, were Optimus and the medic himself. Slightly unfair but somehow reasonable. But the medic made the mistake of having the medical high grade so easily accessible. And she was sure he wouldn't miss a small cube...

* * *

Smokescreen shifted on his berth, his optics flickering on as he was aroused from his recharge. At first he was confused as to why, but then he heard it. The soft, distant sound of someone singing..

His optic ridges bent down in a confused V as he listened, straining his audios to hear the lyrics. It was a sad song, but one he recognized to be of a human singer. Some femme pop singer with a boy name. Thinking it might just be his imagination he closed his optics and tried to return to recharge. But the lyrics still floated through the air.

"No apologies

He'll never see you cry

Pretend he doesn't know

That he's the reason why

You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning...

"And I heard you moved on

From whispers on the street

A new notch in your belt

Is all I'll ever be

And now I see, now I see, now I see

He was long gone

When he met me

And I realize the joke is on me..."

Getting up, he decided he should go check things out. He would recognize Arcee's voice just about anywhere and she sounded very...depressed. If something had happened to her to make her get up in the middle of the night and start, well, singing (which wasn't like her at all to begin with) she must be upset. He couldn't fall asleep knowing that one of his fellow teammates was up and alone feeling sad.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in

So shame on me now

Flew me to places i'd never been

Till you put me down oh

I knew you were trouble when you walked in

So shame on me now

Flew me to places i'd never been

Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble..."

He followed Arcee's voice deeper into the base. Past the wash-racks. Past the training room. All they way back to the empty rooms where there was practically nothing stored. There was a thick layer of dust on everything, like no one had been back there in a long while. But when he peaked into one of the rooms he saw Arcee. Sure enough. She was there, sitting on a large crate, singing quietly between soft cries.

"When your sadest fear comes creeping in

That you never loved me or her or anyone or anything

Yeah...

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in

So shame on me now

Flew me to places I'd never been

Till you put me down oh

I knew you were trouble when you walked in

So shame on me now

Flew me to places i'd never been

Now i'm lying on the cold hard ground

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble..."

Smokescreen moved into the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her. He took notice of the slump in her shoulders and the empty cube of Energon on the floor at her feet. Her face was buried in her servos and he could see Energon leaking from her optics.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in

Trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in

Trouble... trouble...trouble..."

"Arcee?" She jumped in surprise as he touched her shoulder gently. "Are you okay?" he looked down at her in concern.

The femme shivered under his servo, her helm still bowed. "I-I'm fine..." she said quietly, but it was obvious she wasn't. Smokescreen sat down beside her on the crate, unsure of what to do. Should he say something? Should he leave? He drummed his fingers on his knee in uncertainty.

"Smoke, do you think I'm...mean?" she spoke up finally, her voice laced with pain.

"No." he answered quickly. When she continued to look down he spoke up again. "You're a very nice person. Even when you snap at people it's only because you care about their safety."

"Then what could it be?" she shook her helm. "I don't know what it is..."

The young mech looked at her confusedly, unsure where she was going with her train of thought. For a moment he thought he should go get someone who knew her better to comfort her, but then he noticed the faint odor of high grade in the air. If she had over energized herself an he went to go get Optimus or Ratchet she could get in trouble. He decided it better to handle things himself.

"What's wrong Arcee? You don't seem yourself." he stroked her winglets a little awkwardly but the action seemed to calm her.

"No one likes me, and I don't know why!" she cried, hiding her face from him. "Not even Optimus. I asked and he said no..."

"Arcee, I'm sure he didn't say that-" he saw her start shaking again and thought maybe it was best to avoid anything to do with their leader. "Besides, I like you. Am I nobody?" he gave her smile and she looked up at him, almost smiling back.

"No, you're somebody." she agreed, shifting so she could lean against his chassis. "Do you really like me? You're not just saying that?"

"No I really do like you Arcee. You're a great friend." he felt his body stiffen as her arms wrapped around his neck.

"Thanks Smokescreen, you're a great friend too." she said quietly, and before he could react, he felt her lips press softly against his.

The action sent electricity down his core, making every part of him tingle with an amount of energy he hadn't felt before. He no longer felt recharge deprived. He was wide awake. And before he could stop himself, he was kissing her back.

* * *

Arcee felt her internal alarm go off and she groaned groggily in protest. She growled quietly and turned it off, feeling her processor throbbing. She stayed still, her optics off-lined as she mentally battled with herself to get up and go for a drive. But her thoughts were interrupted when she felt something move underneath her.

Optics snapping open, she could only stare in horror at her surroundings. She was in a storage closet. Things were messed, some things even broken. But what was worst of all was that her leg was draped over Smokescreen's, and his servos held her close as he slept beside her.

"Oh scrap, _what did I do?!_" She twisted free of him, causing him to stir awake, and she ran out of the room like there was no tomorrow.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the cliffy! (well, not really ;) after consulting with Cyberkia (thanks so much!) I found the inspiration to keep writing. Sorry for the long waits between chapters. But here it is! :)**

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Arcee drove..

And drove...

And kept on driving...

The police were of no concern to her, she just kept going as fast as her engine would allow her too. After only a few hours she had passed into the next state and half way through it. But even then she felt like she couldn't get far enough away. She felt dirty, horrible, and disgusting! She had slept with Smokescreen! The mere thought of it made her want to purge her tanks!

Not that he was a bad mech. The young new recruit was...just that, young, new. She hardly knew anything about him, and she was so much older than him. How could she have let herself stay with him, even if she had been over energized? If she had been able to think at all she would have pushed him away and hid until the effects of the Energon wore off... Considering she couldn't remember anything at all from the night before she guessed that she was energized beyond anything she had ever done before.

"Stupid-stupid-stupid!" she screamed at herself, pulling off into a dirt road angrily. How could she have been so blind?! How could she have spent the night with a mech she knew nothing about and possibly- she shuddered at the thought- interfaced with him... If anything, she would have expected herself to have gone to Optimus and given him a piece of her mind. That, she could have handled. A firm scolding and reminder that he was in charge and maybe some sort of punishment and that would have been all. She wouldn't be able to look Smokescreen in the optics ever again! How would she be able to explain everything to him? She wasn't interested in him as a romantic partner. He was nice, sweet and quirky, but he wasn't what she wanted in a mate. Far from it.

Transforming, she ducked into the trees before anyone could see her. She continued through the pines until she was far from any road and then sat down. "Primus, what have I done?" she buried he face in her servos and drug her fingers down her helm, creating large scratches in the paint. "So many things could have happened...I mean, we could have interfaced, merged sparks... What if he thinks I really- oh scrap." her optics widened in horror as a new idea popped into her mind. "I could be sparked!" she looked down at her carrying chamber, fear gripping her and causing her tanks to turn. "Oh Scrap." she lunged forward to crouch over the ground as she retched. "What have I done?"

* * *

Smokescreen seemed a little perky when Optimus came into the room. Of course, he noticed that the young mech was always sort of energized and ready for anything that could be thrown at him, but his attitude seemed... Odd. He looked excited, yet dreadful at the same time. He was jumpy, and almost guilty, but entirely proud of himself. But, he just waved off the action as some good rest and anxiousness to get out into the field. They had a scheduled Energon scouting today. Smokescreen was to be partnered with Bumblebee and Bulkhead, and Arcee was going to be searching through quadrants with him..

He almost stumbled as she came to mind. He hadn't spoken to her since their little spat. Perhaps he should reassign her to work with Bee and Smoke, and take Bulkhead with him instead? He quickly shook his helm. No. They needed to get over this and there would be no better time to talk it out than out on the roads alone. As much as he dreaded lying to her again, he knew it was for the best. He couldn't let her get hurt on account of the Decepticons targeting her because of his feelings for her. He had to protect her.

"Morning sir!" Smokescreen gave him a quick salute and he returned the gesture with a polite nod. But as he went to continue forward the young mech spoke up again. "Hey Optimus... Have you seen Arcee? I kinda need to talk to her, but I haven't seen her-uh, all morning." the Prime looked down at him skeptically as his faced flushed a deep red. What could the mech want with Arcee? And more importantly, why was he lying to him?

"I have not seen her, but if I do I will tell her you wish to speak with-"

"Uh, no Optimus, it's fine. I'll-uh- you don't need to tell her. I just...um." he glanced around the hanger bay and jumped at the chance to scamper out of the Prime's sight.

Optimus raised an optic ridge at him as he fled, a thoughtful growl rumbling in his throat. But he continued to his duties at the computer, preparing for their scouting mission. After the planning was taken care of he called the group of mechs together and sent them on their way. Again, he noted Smokescreen was acting strange, like he really wanted to see Arcee before he left.

After they bridged out to their destination, Optimus took a deep breath in preparation for next task. ::_Optimus to Arcee, come in._:: he was met with static. ::_Arcee_?:: Again there was no response. "Ratchet, is Arcee in her quarters still?"

The medic shook his helm. "No. I saw her this morning practically running for her life. She said she was going for a drive." the old mech paused in his work, a thoughtful look in his optics. "Now that I think about it she seemed a little on edge. Extremely embarrassed about something, like she had gone and slept with someone or something..." he shrugged, focusing his attention back on his work. "If her com. is off use the emergency line. She always answers to that."

"Ratchet, the emergency line is for emergencies only-"

"-And not being able to contact your second in command (and only femme on the team) is an emergency." Ratchet cut in, giving him a look that said not to argue. "Just give her a call, she will answer."

Optimus vented deeply, trying again on the back up channel. ::_Arcee, come in_."

* * *

Arcee jumped as the back up com. channel blared to life, Optimus' voice was firm and not pleased. ::_Arcee here. What_-:: her question was cut off quickly by another wave of nausea, and she could almost feel Optimus' concern through the communications channel.

::_Arcee, return to base. We have a scouting mission to complete.:_: he paused as she made more retching sounds over the com.

::_I'm a little too far away for a drive back Optimus. I'm going to need a bridge.:_: she leaned back against a tree, wrapping her arms around her middle sickly. Silently she swore never to drink high grade again.

::_Supply coordinates.::_

She grimaced as she sent the information and was met by Optimus' stunned silence. Apparently he wasn't expecting her to be so far away. But, a few moments later the bridge swirled to life in front of her and she darted inside before she could change her mind...

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	6. Chapter 6

**okay, so thanks to the awesome reviewers! You guys encourage and inspire me! Sorry for the short chapter, but it was all I could come up with at the moment. :/**

**Anyways! I will try to have another chapter up soon. But I just got a Job so I don't know how much writing I'll be able to do with school and work.**

**Cyberkia! This chapter is for you! I know you've been waiting for a while for this ;)**

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"Arcee, what is wrong?"

She heard his question, but she refused to look up from her Energon tracker. "Nothing, I'm fine. Just a little tired." she made excuse, continuing down the forest stream as Optimus followed behind her. Being in such close proximity with him after all that had happened was uncomfortable, but she remained quiet. She didn't want him asking questions that she couldn't answer. She had enough on her mind at the moment anyways.

She didn't feel sparked. She had run her own internal diagnostics and had picked nothing up. Of course that search was incomplete and she wouldn't know anything for sure until she spoke with Smokescreen and (she shuddered) Ratchet. She dreaded taking this up with the medic. Off all the bots in team Prime he was the only one who knew of her secret feelings towards Optimus. If he found out that she had accidentally engaged in a one-night stand with Smokescreen... She had no idea what he would say. She felt dirty. She felt like a slut. She tried to justify that she didn't know anything for sure yet, but it didn't stop her feelings of foreboding.

"Arcee..." Optimus spoke up again, this time his voice low and calming. He reached out to grasp her shoulder gently, pulling her to a stop. His optics were soft and concerned, and she could tell that he knew something was wrong. But how could she tell him what happened. "What is troubling you. We have been walking in a circle for nearly twenty minutes." Her optics widened in surprise and she looked down at her tracker, realizing that he was right. She was too distracted to be doing this.

She opened her mouth to tell him a lie, but when he knelt down in front of her, his servos resting comfortably on her shoulders and his optics giving her soft reassurance, she couldn't do it. She couldn't just lie to his face. Not to him. "I..." she shuffled awkwardly for a moment as she tried to pull herself together. Finally she stood firm and looked him in the optics with a firm gaze. He was going to find out sooner or later. "I slept with Smokescreen last night."

Optimus blinked once. Twice. Three times before answering. His expression seemed to fall in surprise for a moment, but then hardened again in almost anger. "What?"

Arcee didn't back down at his intimidating posture, and simply forged on. "I was over energized, grief stricken and lonely. So... I slept with him... Apparently." she watched him carefully as he stood up.

He turned away curtly, raising a servo to cover his face as he composed himself. "You...interfaced with him?" his voice was shaking, but still held his sound of command.

"I don't know. I can't remember..."

Optimus's shoulders heaved with his strained vent. She studied his posture for a few seconds before she realized that he was trying to hide his optics from her. Were they-were his optics turning red? If they were, it was only a flash before they went back to normal. He turned back to her, but shook his helm and turned away again as he propped his servos on his hips.

Arcee watched him silently. He was obviously upset. Why, she didn't know. But he was, and he looked pissed. His back was tense and his posture rigid as he searched for the right words to say next. She figured he was trying to think of the best way to handle the situation. Punishment was probably in order, but if she was sparked... She knew he wouldn't do anything to her if there was the slightest chance that she was.

"I'm sorry Optimus."

He glanced over his shoulder at her, mumbling softly, almost too quietly for her to hear. "So am I..."

* * *

"Hey Doc?" Smokescreen walked into the medical bay, swinging his servos by his sides awkwardly. He had just returned from a successful mission but he wasn't all that excited. He was still worried about Arcee. He wasn't sure if she knew what happened.. "Can I ask you something about Arcee?"

The doctor looked up from his work briefly, motioning for the young mech to sit down on one of the berths. "Yeah, yeah sure." he said half heartedly. "What do you want to know?"

"Do you know if she's interested in anybody?"

"W-what?" Ratchet's shocked response came as he dropped his tools on the floor. His optics went large and he stared at the young mech.

"Yeah, you know..." he trailed off, looking down at the floor. "Does she... you know.. Does she have anyone in mind as a future Sparkmate?" he was taken aback by Ratchet's critical look, suddenly regretting asking.

"What happened? Tell me everything."

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	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Long time no see huh? I just got random inspiration to do this chapter, so here I am. It' nearly midnight and I am writing for you. ;) enjoy! :)**

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Optimus didn't look at her. He didn't look at anyone when they returned, he just pushed past the few in the main hub and transformed to go out onto the dusty desert roads. He needed to get away. He needed to think- no. He needed to not think. Thinking was the last thing he should do. Thinking was only going to hurt him more. But he just couldn't believe it. Arcee had slept with Smokescreen! He understood that the young mech had traits to be desired, but... He just couldn't believe it. He just couldn't!

Revving his engines, he put as much road between himself and the base as possible. He had to get away... Just to clear his mind. He feared that if he even saw Smokescreen it would take the full might of the Decepticon army to keep him from tearing the mech limb from limb.

He drove until it was dark out, then he transformed and stood at a cliffside. His spark hurt. It burned! Pain. Anger. Lust. It was becoming too much for him to bear. "Arcee, why must you do this to me?!" he shouted, ending with a pain filled yell that echoed around him until his breath failed. He collapsed to his knees weakly, staring over the edge of the cliff. At the bottom there was a river, and it sparkled in the moonlight. "Why..." he buried his face in his servos, letting grief filled tears to seep through them and join the river below. "Why?!" he choked, cried, yelled, screamed at anything and everything. He cursed himself. Cursed being a Prime. He cursed his lack of courage. He cursed the war. He cursed Earth, Cybertron, the well of Sparks, the Pit. But none of his pain filled accusations were heard. No one could hear his breaking spark.

He had always known that it could not be between him and her. He had always known. But the knowledge had not stopped him from caring, loving, craving everything about her. The title of Prime had never stopped his wandering mind from pondering what it would be like to have a family with her when and if the war finally ended. And it was those thoughts that had now crippled him. If Arcee was sparked with Smokescreen's child... His hopes of ever having a normal life were lost...

And it was those hopes that kept him alive. The hope of peace and calm and love were what helped him to fight on another day. The idea of being with her was what kept him alive.

"Slag! Slag-frag-scrap it all!" He clenched his servos over his face and scraped long lines into the soft metal flesh. His lifeblood joined his tears, and he was still. His spark was numb, cold, and desolate. What was the point of living if not for the hope of a better future. He pretended to be strong. He pretended that there was even the slightest chance of them ever wining the war. But he had never believed it himself. He had just held onto his personal hopes and prayed that maybe, someday... after all was said and done.. that Primus would release him of his curse.

The curse of being a Prime...

* * *

"Hey, Arcee!" Smokescreen caught her wrist before she could turn away. She glared at him over her shoulder and he quickly released her. "Look, we need to talk, like really bad." he insisted, his servos raised in submission. "What happened last night, I swear it's not like what you think!" Arcee's optics widened and she smack a servo around his mouth, successfully silencing him.

"Quiet! Someone could hear you!" she seethed, and he calmed a little.

When she removed her hold on him he gave her a small smirk. "Nothing happened." he stated quietly, so that only she could hear.

"What?"

"Well, other than a pretty hot make out session, nothing happened." he motioned with his servos awkwardly. "We never-we didn't actually... Do it." he finished lamely, his arms falling back to his sides.

Arcee gaped at him, not sure how to feel. "We didn't?" he shook his helm, and her spark lightened. "We didn't?!" she suddenly felt like she had to contain herself. Her voice rose and she felt like running, jumping, screaming in joy. She was so relieved. "Oh Smokescreen, thank you!" she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, kissing him fully on the mouth. He grunted in surprise and blushed horribly when she pulled away. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"Actually...I kinda do." he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, shifting on his feet. "Ratchet says that.. you kinda have a thing for someone who wouldn't take it well if you-uh, got busy with another guy..."

And..her spark sunk again. "He told you?!"

"In his defense he kinda had to!" he said, quickly blocking her path before she could go strangle the medic. "I was kinda asking if..well, if you were available. Ratch told me that you were most definitely not available. But hey, if I'm gonna be shown up by a mech who better than Optimus Prime right? I mean, there is literally no competing with the guy! I'm actually thankful to lose to him. He's the greatest mech in the universe!"

Arcee's anger started to ebb away, and her frown was slowly replaced with a smile. "You're a great mech too Smokescreen. If you weren't you would have taken advantage of me. Thank you..."

"Yeah, don't mention it." he waved off her comment with another blush.

Arcee patted his shoulder in thanks, practically running to find Optimus so she could tell him that it was all just a misunderstanding. But when she turned around, he wasn't there. He was gone.

"Ratchet, where's Optimus?" she asked as Smokescreen left. She moved closer to the medical ward where the older mech was studying one of their Iacon relics.

"He left as soon as you got back." he answered, not taking his optics off from his work. "And he turned off his com channel... so you'll probably have to talk to him when he gets back." Arcee nodded in understanding, but suddenly started feeling antsy. Ratchet took a glance up at her when she didn't leave and he sighed thoughtfully. "Arcee, what could ever have possessed you to do what you did? Why would you over energize and compromise your relationship with Optimus like that? I thought you wanted to be with him. And the next thing I know you're off in a storage closet in a lip-lock with Smokescreen? What happened?"

She considered telling him the truth. About Optimus and her out in the grassy field when he was over energized. About their conversation afterwards. About him rejecting her. But she didn't. She figured, Optimus wouldn't want anyone to know what happened.

"It's nothing Ratchet. Let's just try to forget that this ever happened." she said quietly, turning away to wait on top of the base for Optimus to return. She waited till the sky went dark before she started to worry. Optimus always returned before midnight, and it was well past then before she saw headlights on the road. But instead of driving straight for the base they turned with the road, and it was obvious that the small car was not Optimus. So the question remained: where was he?

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	8. Chapter 8

**Short chapter, I know, I'm sorry. But the next chapter _should_ be longer. :)**

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Optimus drove in silence along the lonely highways, passing not a single car throughout the night. His locating beacon was still operational but he turned off his com system. If Ratchet needed him he would come and find him, but unless it was urgent he didn't want to be disturbed. He was tired, yes, and he was not thinking straight. That was why he decided that he needed to clear his thoughts and not return to base until he did.

He felt...helpless. Like a sparkling who was falling off a cliff and didn't see anything to grab onto. He was fighting himself. One part of him told him that this was the inevitable outcome. The other whispered lies of false comfort and hope. The whole incident could blow by without a hitch. But no, it would never be the same. He had caused this whole thing with his recklessness. But Arcee had not been angry about it until after he forced his feelings back into check. What if she actually-? No. He could not afford to think like that. He was a Prime. And no matter what the outcome of the war, Arcee's situation with Smokescreen, or this pointless avoidance of them, the fact remained: he would always be a Prime. Never to show emotions of love to a single person. Even if it was the only thing his spark had ever yearned for.

He could never have Arcee.

He should never have teased himself by toying with the idea in the first place...

"I should not have told her those things..." he muttered, transforming into bi-petal form and ducking into the nearby forest. "If I had not been over energized I would not have told her my feelings of this war and her and none of this would have happened!" he kicked a large bolder, watching as it uprooted from the ground and flew off to crash into a tree. "This is all..my..fault."

He kept walking in silence for a time, listening to the night creatures as they prowled around the forest. They steered clear of him, probably wary of getting too close to something so alien to them. That came as no surprise. That was how everyone treated him. He was different from everyone else. Alienated by his own kind. "Like I'm diseased.." he thought aloud, sitting down in a small empty glade. He watched the thin, tall grass sway in the light breeze, envying their unimportance. The grass did not feel guilt, regret, self pity. It was grass. Unfeeling. "They think I am unfeeling." he remembered sadly, thinking about his soldiers comparing him to a plant. It didn't help to lighten his mood.

"I should not pity myself. It is wrong to be so self centered, but _slag it_!" he growled, burying his face in his servo. "I can't get her out of my head!" her sharp, vengeful, passionate optics. The small curve of her soft pink lips. Her exquisite and delicate frame, sporting small sensitive winglets. The image of her was enough to send energy pulses through his body, driving him insane! He wanted to love her. He wanted to care about her. He needed to be with her so badly! But he couldn't.

Sighing deeply, he reached into his subspace for the partially consumed ration of Energon that he had saved. High grade. It was the last thing he needed at that moment, considering that was what got him into this mess, but he didn't care. He was far away from base. His com was turned off. He wasn't close to any civilization. He was safe to get drunker than scrap.

* * *

"Lord Megatron!"

The warlord turned his gaze lazily to his medic, giving him a glare to warn him that if it wasn't important to shut up. The look didn't even phase the medic however and he continued with what he was saying.

"Optimus has left the confines of his base, _alone_. But that's not all..." he asured, looking over some of the readings on the computer. "His energy signal is spiking hard. Irregularly. Almost like an Energon deficiency." he turned towards his leader, a smirk playing across his features. "This might be our opportunity to strike."

Megatron raised an optic ridge, smiling his own smirk. "Really?" he chuckled darkly. "What good fortune.. For us." he flexed his servos, glad that his recent injuries had completely healed. "Soundwave!" the third in command turned silently to acknowledge him. "Prepare a groundbridge. This is the last day we shall ever hear from Optimus Prime..."

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